Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
