Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
my being single is dangerous.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
