Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
