I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
