i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
The best revenge is premature balding
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
