Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
