I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
ttyl tear gas
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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