She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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