battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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