I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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