no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
