Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
