The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
