So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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