Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
