Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Michael Bay diarrhea
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
