I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
