Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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