I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
