Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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