This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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