I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
