What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
