I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
