Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
