it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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