Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
