Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
