wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
