i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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