sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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