fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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