Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
