went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
