you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i want to swaddle you in tequila
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
