I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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