Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
