Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
