Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
