Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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