I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
