Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
