wanna go halves on a baby?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
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