This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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