I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
