Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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