Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
