I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
