is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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