My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
