dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
