dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
